there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
