was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
