You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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