just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my sisters under your porch take her home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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