My room smells like vodka and shame
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize