What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
