i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
