Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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