You just made me feel so damn special
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
