I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bring me that man meat
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
