yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
