the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pants are for mortals
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
