i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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