Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Screwed.edu
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
