You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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