If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize