and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
