Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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