apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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