My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
