Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
