is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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