If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
