And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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