Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
