I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize