I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
