3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize