Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
