i think my tv is drunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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