either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
