on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
