everyone is single if you try hard enough
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
