anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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