whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
