there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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