i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
