He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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