I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
