I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
