Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
