I hate all girls vehemently.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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