You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
