Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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