I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
