somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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