Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
