I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
