Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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