I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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