Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
