Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
