I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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