you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
