Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
