There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
