Define "chronic" masturbator.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
