he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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