We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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