I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize