Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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