My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
