its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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