I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
