well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Found the puke drawer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize