I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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