Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
