Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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