the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
