Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jerry, you need to find god
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
