I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
