but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out mid-signature
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
