I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
