Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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