So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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