Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize