how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
