I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
