My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
