we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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