I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
