If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
