Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
