I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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