Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
