Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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