This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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