Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
