I skipped work to stalk him.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
